Articles

A New Year

What is it I want most out of 2014? Well, it is so simple yet not. I want to worry less and believe more. I want to forget self-image and live care free. I want to dedicate energy to things of importance and forget that which brings only a moment of pleasure. I want to step out of comfort, and expand into a new comfort. I want to shout from the rooftops and not keep needed words a secret. I want to be the best I can be, yet maintain the lowest of statures. I want to “work for a cause, not for applause, live life to express and not to impress, not to strive to make my presence noticed, but just make my absence felt.” (Unknown) I want to be a woman of God, a friend worth dying for, a daughter that brings honor, a sister who listens and loves, a blessing to others; a woman who lives not for herself, but for her God and others.

Passion

When you’re young your mind spins with dreams like a spider spins its web. There is a certainty of the path you want to lead. Things fall into place and sometimes seem too real. Slowly, or sometimes not, a string of that web breaks loose. Things that may have once stuck disappear. Then one night you lay pondering on those dreams; catching yourself second guessing your plans. You turn to advice but who should you listen to? Some say what you want to hear, others don’t. Questions clip those strings loosening the web. But yet in that whole web of dreams, a small corner survives and you wonder… Why? Like anyone curious you dig deeper, draw closer, and examine the remains to discover… What? Passion. Out of that what can happen? You try and discourage that remaining string in a torn dream web, but it holds fast. Then you find yourself spinning another web. A web that defies the other; becomes its polar opposite, built solely around that remaining thing… Passion. Yet still that second guessing comes back and you think ‘Will that same strand survive?’

There are so many things we want to do in life, but can’t. Or is that even true? Is it that we can’t or we won’t? The pressure of succeeding in our society and education crushed out desires to powder that floats away in the wind of time. Why can’t one’s life be dedicated to passion instead of what’s expected. Yes, knowledge is good. Education is important, but what of Passion. What is life without passion? It’s a routine. Was life meant to be as such? Are we not given passion for a purpose? How do we pursue passion in a life of routine that leaves no room for it. What possessed me to write such, but the desire to live out Passion.

 Fear of the Future

As a kid we think growing up is one of the most exciting things. We think there is more freedom to be a teenager, drive a car, hang out with friends; live an adventurous life. Then we reach that age, that time we envied as a child, and what do we see? It was nothing like it seemed. We want to go back. We want to relive our childhood, relish every moment we took for granted. We stare at the responsibilities of being teenagers and young adults. High School challenges us and brings out the best and worst in us. We see what we are truly made of. And do we like it? 

Some dream about moving out of the house, living their own lives, having freedom, going off to college. That scares me. I don't want to leave my family. I have big dreams, but I don't want to pursue them away from my family- my sister. I can't live without her. Our dreams don't aline. My heart would break to have to live without her there. I can't sleep without knowing she's right next to me. I can't feel complete without seeing her every day. I'm afraid. Fear is stronger than my dreams, and my love is even stronger. Oh, just give it time. When the time comes, you'll be ready. Will I? Do I want to be?

I looked  at the world around me and I wonder, there must be others thinking like me. What did they do? Were there regrets? I see the things and relationships at home all fall apart the minute they step into 'their own life'; and then some don't. What held them back? What pushed them out? Are there others like me? Maybe it's the fear of being alone. Or even forgotten. Maybe it's the fear of change. Or things staying the same. Maybe my love is stronger and it may keep me home. Or is it fear? Can it be both? So many questions spin in my face. What is left to do?

In this world are we doing everything we can to nurture and guide our new generations. Is this the world we want to see our kids grow up in? Does our life reflect what we want to see in our children? Do our children want to get out or are they thinking about staying? Do they love and respect people like we want to be loved and respected. Have we done our jobs and raised a better generation than the last? No one is perfect. No one ever can be; but that doesn't me we don't try to live like the men and women we are suppose to be. The men and women who look out for each other. The men and women who devote themselves to living the lives God intended for them. To live the life of love. We are called to love each other. Do our lives reflect love? 

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) 

How are we going to live our lives? Do you have controls that need to be rid of? I'm getting rid of fear.

A Short Story: One Thing to Want

“Taste the salt water air. Feel the breath of Heaven stirring with your hair and the weight of the deep blue ceiling. Listen to water’s melody sweetly playing on the shore.  Can you see freedom flying near the glow by which man steers? All this and you… What more could a person want?”

I turned to the side, propped by my forearm and gazed lovingly to the man next to me. The corner of his lips drew into a smile and he kissed my cheek softly.

“I agree. There is nothing else to want in this picture perfect moment.” He said softly. His stormy blue eyes sparkled. “You are so beautiful, Madison.”

I giggled quietly and curled a strand of my silky black hair around my small finger. He held my left hand, kissed it by the gem that glittered, then pulled me to my feet and spun me around. We contently walked hand in hand to the pier where a musician strummed his guitar and sang full of grace. My husband handed the musician some money and the air was filled with classical romance. The next thing I knew we were dancing. I let my hands gently fold behind my husband’s neck and laid my head against his shoulder. My eyes looked up at him memorizing every beautiful feature of his face. He smiled down at me and hummed to the wonderful tune. We danced until the sun touched the water and then we sat at the piers edge.

The pier was our special place. It was where we went on our first date. It was where He proposed and we shared our first kiss. It was where we said ‘I do’. There were so many picture perfect moments here and I hoped there were more to come. Every day seemed to be that way Jason. He always made things perfect; and when it was not he declared that the day would not end until he had done so.

I slipped my arm around him. “Thank you.”

Jason looked at me unsure of why I was thanking him. “For what, love?”

“For being you.”

He kissed my forehead tenderly and gazed out onto the water. “For you, anything.”

The sun had disappeared and the chill of the night persuaded us that it was time to go. The sand was cool against our bare feet and the noises faded until you could hear nothing except for the soft push in pull of the water. We looked back once as if to say ‘goodbye’—

Goodbye.

A shiver ran down my spine and I looked around me.

Where had the night gone?

I was holding something. Looking down, I saw that I had been looking at a photo album. My mind must have wandered. A smile crossed my face as I fingered a picture. I was sitting in his lap and Jason had wrapped his strong arms around me. We had leaned our heads together and he had whispered ‘I love you’ in my ear. A silent tear rolled down my flushed cheek, but still I smiled. I closed the picture album and closed my eyes. I drew in a deep breath. I tasted the salt water air. I felt Heaven’s breath stir my hair. I felt the slight chill and listened to the water’s melody. My hand moved gently to growing curve of motherhood. My heart stirred as I heard his voice.

“A picture perfect moment.”

I opened my eyes and the tears fell onto the polished wood. Laying down a rose, I thought.

There is only one thing to want now… You.